Sunday, September 26, 2010

Cyber friendships

I sit here today thinking about cyber friends, these are people you meet on line, develop friendships with and eventually in time either remain life long friends or just accept that your friendship was there during a moment in time where real live people were not around or the person went into hibernation only allowing themselves and their computer to exist.
I immigrated to New Zealand just over three years ago and it forced me into the cyber world, a world that gives you joy mostly for periods in time.  I made the fatal mistake of thinking cyber friends would be as close to me as my friends that I had met in real life...a very unique situation if your cyber friend actually lasts outside of their moment or your moment of hibernation.
I was forced into the cyber world because I felt myself in a place where I had to make new friends and because I have hobbies or interests that keep me at home, I spent most of my time with my computer and hence most of my new friends lived in it.  They are my cyber friends.
I got very attached to one or two of them and felt really hurt when they went out of hibernation and started needing real people around them and their need to talk to me became almost nonexistent. I was hurt at first and then I realised that being around real people was normal and cyber friendships were really for those who were alianating themselves from society, had no friends, was bored in their relationship, was on a rebound from a broken relationship or were in my situation, a new country.
Three years down the line I had my cyber lessons..Where has it left me?  With the acceptance that cyber friendships really only last for as long as the hibernation period is required.  The moment the need for real people returns the cyber friendship takes a fourth seat, not second, but fourth, maybe tenth.
I learnt to accept this and I sit and watch as my cyber friends enter my life and then disappear when their needs change.
Do I now sit and validate the quality of their frienship...NO..I simply accept one thing...that if a cyber friendship ends and less and less time is spent doing what you used to with your cyber buddy, if both parties do not feel the absence of each other, then we put it into the cyber friend category without attachment to them, without condition and with the acceptance that they entered when they needed you and have now left....
Life is far too short to analyse things, to take things to is easier just to move onto the next cyber buddy.
However, there are some cyber friends which I met in person and love dearly, they have moved from cyber category to real mates and there they shall live in my heart forever without condition.  Some cybers that became real and actually love me enough to sacrifice some of their real time, with live people and respect that I too am a real person, those are my friends that stay for life.  The others without intention will become just another friend.
We all have choices in our lives.  No matter where in the world our friends are, the amount of time we invest or the means by which we communicate all comes down to choice.  Is my friend important enough to make the effort with....OR...mmmm nope.....I need only real people in my life, the cyber connection was simply what I needed at the time.
For me the value of friendship has intensified...the respect for friendship priceless...and the existence of those that stay and make the effort will be treasured by me forever.

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