Thursday, October 21, 2010

The Birthday Party

The smell of sweet baked cake fills the kitchen..Ok so my circle for my number 9 cake for my son looks like a volcano filled with crators...never claimed to be a baker and it goes down to the philosophy behind the words "It's the thought that counts!"..Ok so the cake will be devine when done but like an artist that paints it looks like a mess until the final layer comes on the finishing touches that create the masterpiece...So I am dreaming thats fine too...your masterpiece is yours and as long as you think it's one and your son thinks you are an awesome mom, does the rest even matter?
Life, I sit and think how blessed I am as I prepare for my sons birthday party.  Blessed that both his parents together can give him a wonderful party...BUT there is a part of me that feels we would have had love and joy without the number 9 cake, without the MASSIVE jumping castle to entertain 15 bubbly screaming kids, without the "Special birthday present".
Let's take it all away,just for a moment and appreciate life and what we have.
A mother sits, her heart aching because she has no money to spoil her child.  Her family lives a life where they are blessed to have a plate of food.  Toys are old boxes, home made inventions, a ball that has lasted years.  Is her son unhappy?  NO, why? Because they have LOVE.  They have love and happiness and they have each other.
The mom scrapes enough money together to bake a cake for her little boy.  They invite the neighbourhood kids for a play.  The games - no jumping castle...what now?  Hide and seek, tag, soccer, the boys are going to have such a great time.  The birthday so sorry my son, its plain vanilla, Mommy did not have enough money for icing or candles.  And the present, my son mommy is so sorry I can't afford a present but we can have your friends to play, I thought that would be really special.
The little boy turns to his mommy...."Mommy thank you so much!  i don't need a present, I have my friends and my family and that means more than a present that can't hug me or love me.
The jumping castle mom and the home choice games mom.....which child will be happier and which child will have more fun....I will tell you simply it is the child that feels the most LOVE in his world that will have the most fun.
Let us not forget the small things in life where money is not needed and an abundance of it can never give it...LOVE.  Keeping things simple, keeping things real...

thank you God for the precious gift of my son, I would have been happy being the home choice game mom and I know my son would have been just as happy because his world is surrounded with so much love.  Thank you that Joshua can have his jumping castle, that I can bake that volcano cake full of crators.

all my love Carma Jewell

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Am I doing something wrong or am I actually doing something right?

When you find yourself in a situation where there are negativie common denominators, the norm would be to assume that it is you who are doing something wrong.
Relook the situation and you may be pleasantly surprised to find you are actually doing something right and all that did not serve you is removed from your world.
There are so many courses on self love, self healing, find yourself go on...stop being lost, know who you are...One day you do. You start picking at the issues in your life that have made you afraid...
You tackle them like a bull to a red cloth.
One by one...bit by pick, deal, understand and heal.
Surely your character that was moulded by past pain regains the shape you were born to inherit.  If this is the case, surely much that is in your past life did not serve you including people and when you change so does  your world and every one in it.
I have had a look at myself as an individual, sure I have made many mistakes, perhaps hurt some people in my path of self destruction.  BUT my heart is pure and the mistakes of my past were circumstantial to my survival mechanisms, they were not with intent.
Suddenly my world seems different.  I see people for who they are and not who they pretended to be.  I see them for the needs they had of me, the time they fed off me, or perhaps the times I needed them when my soul was broken.
Now my soul is whole, my heart no longer pains with disappointments.  I was helpless at times and my expectations, my neediness was rife.  It's all gone and the unconditional love I had exists now not because I am desperate for love or acknowlegement, it remains because that is who i was all the time.  A person that forgave everything, but sadly at the same believed it was all I deserved and it was all my fault.
My world seems different...there are those that enter because they need me, then they leave. My heart no longer aches so I don't search for them.  Not because I don't care but because I understand and accept why I existed in their space in the first place.  So I don't leave but I don't go to them either.  The integrity of my friendship questioned, tested, tested, tested over and over again. 
My heart simply says...if my existance is not missed, I was never really needed.  And thats ok, this is how the world is..people enter for a moment, a season or a lifetime.  I cannot create lifetimes on my own anymore, I don't want to, not because i love less, but because I love myself more.  I vote for me.
And if the me, I have finally grown to love does not serve your world then i should not be in it either.
Keep your heart pure always, for then you will see through new eyes, all that which is a moment and was never meant to be a lifetime.
I understand I am not perfect, I also know I am worth loving and if I am not perfect and I am not worth telling so I may fix that which you think I did wrong, then you really do not value my heart.
Surround yourself with peace, happiness and love always...
There is no need to hang onto negative energy, stubborness, you will lose so many that you truly love.

The Online "VULTURES"

They sit there waiting, waiting for the vulnerable, the lonely, the needy, the ones that battle financially, the ones searching for love...They sit waiting for their prey.
Ruthless in nature, emotionless, its a profession nothing more..lets get down to business, who can we scam today. 
The victims through the eyes of the vultures...they are just victims, they have no feelings, no family, no heart...simply targets from which to steal both financially and morally.
Yes I say morally because the victims believes, the victim trusts, when that crash hits, the moment they realise the person they trusted took them for a ride, thats the moment they feel morally broken.
The online scammer, what a wonderful profession, take what you want from whoever you choose to scam.  You don't even need a degree all you need is a black heart, be part of the devil's flock and the job is yours.
Hey sweetheart, im your friend I understand you are lonely, Im not like the rest, Im real...they build build and build until you trust...then the heart stopping question comes..."Please can you help me" followed by some sob story and then those words "Could you please help me with some money"...
Is this your friend? does a complete stranger have no friends that they need to ask you for you have STUPID written on your profile pic...if you don't then you may as well get a sticker, paste it on your head and maybe you will be lucky enough that NO VULTURE will find you.
They are like little butteflies in presence and then turn in gremlins in your heart when you realise how malicious their actions are.  How they did not care about you at all.  How they felt they had the right to enter your life and feed off your weaknesses.
They are common thieves but they hide in your computer with false identities, false documents, professional letters all done up to fool you....
Beware, just take care and get yourself some vulture repellent.