Sunday, September 26, 2010

Cyber friendships

I sit here today thinking about cyber friends, these are people you meet on line, develop friendships with and eventually in time either remain life long friends or just accept that your friendship was there during a moment in time where real live people were not around or the person went into hibernation only allowing themselves and their computer to exist.
I immigrated to New Zealand just over three years ago and it forced me into the cyber world, a world that gives you joy mostly for periods in time.  I made the fatal mistake of thinking cyber friends would be as close to me as my friends that I had met in real life...a very unique situation if your cyber friend actually lasts outside of their moment or your moment of hibernation.
I was forced into the cyber world because I felt myself in a place where I had to make new friends and because I have hobbies or interests that keep me at home, I spent most of my time with my computer and hence most of my new friends lived in it.  They are my cyber friends.
I got very attached to one or two of them and felt really hurt when they went out of hibernation and started needing real people around them and their need to talk to me became almost nonexistent. I was hurt at first and then I realised that being around real people was normal and cyber friendships were really for those who were alianating themselves from society, had no friends, was bored in their relationship, was on a rebound from a broken relationship or were in my situation, a new country.
Three years down the line I had my cyber lessons..Where has it left me?  With the acceptance that cyber friendships really only last for as long as the hibernation period is required.  The moment the need for real people returns the cyber friendship takes a fourth seat, not second, but fourth, maybe tenth.
I learnt to accept this and I sit and watch as my cyber friends enter my life and then disappear when their needs change.
Do I now sit and validate the quality of their frienship...NO..I simply accept one thing...that if a cyber friendship ends and less and less time is spent doing what you used to with your cyber buddy, if both parties do not feel the absence of each other, then we put it into the cyber friend category without attachment to them, without condition and with the acceptance that they entered when they needed you and have now left....
Life is far too short to analyse things, to take things to is easier just to move onto the next cyber buddy.
However, there are some cyber friends which I met in person and love dearly, they have moved from cyber category to real mates and there they shall live in my heart forever without condition.  Some cybers that became real and actually love me enough to sacrifice some of their real time, with live people and respect that I too am a real person, those are my friends that stay for life.  The others without intention will become just another friend.
We all have choices in our lives.  No matter where in the world our friends are, the amount of time we invest or the means by which we communicate all comes down to choice.  Is my friend important enough to make the effort with....OR...mmmm nope.....I need only real people in my life, the cyber connection was simply what I needed at the time.
For me the value of friendship has intensified...the respect for friendship priceless...and the existence of those that stay and make the effort will be treasured by me forever.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Believe in yourself, love yourself..

Ok so we got to believe in ourselves and love ourselves.  How easy or how difficult would you say this is.
Sure, if we had no weaknesses which inturn resulted in negative influences to capsize our lives it would be very easy to achieve.
Have you ever sat down with a few friends and spoken about "Life", happy life stuff, how excited you are, how well you are doing..have you noticed how bored some people in that circle get? NO? test it out...
THEN test when you start gossiping about others, saying hurtful negative things, talking about what a tough thing this thing called "Life" is..and BOY does the conversation not last hours?
So  my message to all you good people out there, YES YOU! for we are all good at core level..before you throw a negative comment, before you say  you are going to fail....its not going to work, it did not work for me..oh NO, there is no way you can achieve could be ruining the future of someone you supposedly love.  Oh yes we all think we are GREAT mates for telling it directly, but what makes us decide in that split moment that it is far better to directly say it will never work, you will never succeed, rather than to say, "Buddy, im there for you no matter what and as long as you are giving it your best shot, there is no reason why you should fail!"
Why would your purposely be a part of someone's failure when you can celebrate their success?
Oh let's not forget "sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never harm me."....what a lot of bull! Words are sometimes much more devastating than any stick or stone...they can HURT like you will never believe and the scars they can leave are far worse than a bruise or grazing caused by a stick or a stone..those at least heal way faster.
Stand by your friends, don't watch them fall because someone said "You have to be cruel to be kind"
Shoo those words came flying out why? Because i woke up one morning and decided to put my writing into a book..send it to publishers all over the world...yeh I had the goetspa (I think thats how you spell it) and guess what someone came back and decided to give me a chance....How many people stood by me, and believed in me and how many thought, there is NO WAY can't just wake up one morning throw a book together and think someones going to publish it...I mean come on man, don't you watch movies? It takes years of hard work to put a book together....Great inspiration!  Well I did NOT listen, I was belchy..I stood tall..very tall and sent it off.  NOW hopefully before christmas another author will be born into this world and her name is Carma Jewell.....
So my friends, if you have a passion for something, DO IT!  You are 99% of the way there.  Don't let the negativity of all the failure stories get to you, don't let that 1% ruin your dreams..  Yes it is possible that the 1% can weaken your 99% belief in yourself.  Trust me, I know I have listened so many times to the 1% in the past and the significance of their input as a result of my own personal weaknesses caused me to take my dream and leave it under my pillow instead of above my head like a beautiful painting.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Do we really know our friends.....

There is a common phrase used amongst friends.

"No matter how much time has past, my friend and I can pick up from where we left off, and we simply know that we are loved and there when needed"

This phrase leaves me with an unhappy feeling, simply because tomorrow may never come.  We cannot predict the future, we cannot choose how long we stay on this earth, yet, we allow time to pass, taking for granted that those we love will just be there and tomorrow or next week, next month, perhaps in years we will simply pick up the pieces from when we last spoke.  what if tomorrow comes and they are no longer there?  What if they are so used to this arrangement that they go through so much turmoil without even letting you know. What if it was your arrangement that they simply abide by, because thats what friends do, they accept each other for who each one is...but what is it they really want from you?

Is it perhaps fair to say that we live a selfish exsistance where we give our precious time only to that which suits us in the moment? Work, family, little circle of chosen friends?  I would deem it very fair for this is how I used to live my life.  I used to until one day tomorrow never came.  the person I loved was no longer there, I could not catch up where we left off for they were no longer on this earth.

I am not talking about a close friend, but someone I truly cared for, someone to whom I had  not spoken to for so many do I feel?  So very sad because I never said goodbye. Yes I know, one never knows when we will lose someone, but surely to speak more than once a year is not asking too much.

losing loved ones reminds you of how short life it, how we should try hard not to leave that which should be done or said now for tomorrow...for tomorrow may never come.

If thoughts could be heard

Imagine if one could hear the thoughts of all around you.
What would you hear?
What would you feel?
Thoughts so many...hopeful, sad, excitement, fear, jealousy, love, anger, resentment,devious,kindness..unending thoughts everywhere from everyone.

Where would you focus on that which relates to your state of mind or on that relating to a state of mind you want to achieve.

Everyday, thoughts enter my mind, thoughts like a book waiting to be written, a story wating to be told.

When you sit in silence, the thoughts in your head talking only to you, whose voice do you hear.  Does it have a sound, yes it does your thoughts sound just like your voice, like my thoughts do right now while I am writing to you.  Its as if I am having a silent conversation with the world but I can hear the sound of my voice in my head. 

So now I blog so that I can share the millions of thoughts in my head with all that wish to travel along with me.  Don't have expectations for they will never have a trend for my mind is far too versatile. 

So hear is a thought I would like to share that entered my mind yesterday.  There will be so many more.

Read them if you like, but mostly open your heart, open your mind and feel the emotion.

My thoughts are happy, sometimes sad, sometimes fearful, but mostly they are inspirational.  Words that I wish to share, words that may heal a heart, give hope to one soul or simply let you know that you are not alone in your world.